I overheard this one at the Seawall docks just before heading out to sea...
Sailor 1: So what was all that clammerin' in the streets last night by the damned City Guard?
Sailor 2: Buncha fancy lads started a grand fight last night in the pub, and one of them lost their lives, as well a few drinkers in the pub.
Sailor 1: Another tale worth about as much as sea foam. Ye was prolly fast asleep at sundown.
Sailor 2: May Pelor strike me down if I was. I went down to the bar, and completed me 'to-do' list.
Sailor 1: Why in Pelor's name do ye have a 'to-do' list fer a grimy pub?
Sailor 2: It's a joke, fool. I had two things on my list. Drinking ale and kicking land lubber arse. Took care of 'em both.
Sailor 1: Well what really happened then?
Sailor 2: Thar we all sat, drinkin' an' singin', when in walks a threesome of fancy-pants adventurers. Ye know the type.
Sailor 1: Aye!! heh heh
Sailor 2: So this bloke at the next table wings a bar mug right at the door, an' catches the daintiest of the three square in his face. HAR HARRR!! Lubber looked like he coulda gone toe-to-toe with Davy Jones 'imself he was so mad.
Sailor 1: So what did ye' do? Take up for them, and knock down the bloke?
Sailor 2: Hell no! I sat there drinkin' me ale whilst the three went over and yapped to the Cap'n at the bar.
Sailor 1: Dunna sound like much of a fight.
Sailor 2: It wasn't until one of the three, hefty bastard wearing shinny armor, came by the bloke's table and gave 'im a good shove. Tryin' to start somethin' he was.
Well the bloke shot right outta his chair, but 'fore hardly a word he was run through by the chap that got hit in the damn face. Bastard yelled out something about being named Salamander Silvertongue or some such, and tried to take on the whole bar.
Sailor 1: Where were ye then?
Sailor 2: Seeing that I got right up to get in the folly. The hefty bastard tried going on about how the bloke that lay bleedin' on the deck was a deadly criminal. 'Ell I saw him at the docks just two morns ago. Wasn't no bloody criminal. We didn't buy it, an' he knew it. So he started swingin' his blade, and the third fancy-lad...Oh yeah, a lousy piece of sea scum elf he was!! Anyhow the elf takes out a bow and starts shootin' as he backs towards the door. It was melee at that point
Sailor 1: What did ye do?
Sailor 2: We all gots round them in a circle, and started swingin our fists like the fury of Hextor.
The three dropped a few weak blokes but when I got to 'em I let out some wrath.
The three were backin' towards the door, but no way was I lettin' that Salamander fella go. We tore into him like a shark on a chum bucket. He started screamin' like a stuck pig, but to the floor he went. We stomped until he didn't squirm no more. He's rat food in the back alley now I'd say.
Sailor 1: And the other two?
Sailor 2: Slippery little elf made it out the door when the hefty bastard finally got a little smart and lightened his coin purse. He took out his coin purse and tossed a thousand or so gold in the air. That got EVERYONE off their arses. 100 people dove to the floor in search of his riches.
The two made off like darkness runnin' from Pelor's light.
Sailor 1: Ne'er saw 'em again?
Sailor 2: Aye, but I coulda sworn I saw the hefty guy awhile ago tryin' to sneak onto a ship by offerin' some more coins to the load master. Little did he know that load master is as tighter than a princesses hindquarters, and can't be bought so cheap.
Hell we coulda used his brute on the ship for all I care. Free ride here.
Sailor 1: Ya would na killed him on sight?
Sailor 2: No. Last night was over, an' I just wanted a fight then. He was just lookin' for a fight 'imself, and it was that Salamander that went nuts. Everyone the hefty bastard hit woke up a little afterwards.
Dunna think it was him though. He was travellin' with a slave in a turban....WAIT!! That was the damn elf. Shoulda knew that.
Sailor 1: HAR HAR!!! You could na spot a mermaid in a dish tub, ya drunken bastard ya. An' ya would na fight a sleepin' titmouse. Now lift this bale.
Sailor 2: Lift you off this deck with a single blow, I will....
Story ended there, far as I could hear...
-- John Primus
"A Fisherman's Tale and Dockside Stories"
